Who’s Queen?

S01 — Session 30


Season, Week, Day

Dramatis Personae




Mellia, in montage, walking on the beach with Nala at sunset
Queen Laika Blackspear
Nameless, Champion of the Colymar

…and introducing the squeebabies, Gwydir ap Tiwr and Gwrych ap Tiwr

[Hail, Eris. If you don’t know what that means look it up later. By now you know me, and you’ll probably have heard rumours about my esteemed colleague Dr Tomm. Let me lay those to rest by saying he is alive and well, and the tree missed him by a very short distance, although it has destroyed his car and much of his collection of wargames and minature buildings. I will be filling in, until he can once more fill his own boots. Once they have been cleaned, of couse.

The various sagas we have … you have…. been studying have largely been in chronological order, until now, but I am going to invite you to look at one poem in detail this week, and one particular part. Berra JarangsdottirHumaktiSaga. I will want you to produce a two thousand word essay on the Niyall Conjecture – that it is a teaching method for Humakti. With that in mind, let us examine first, another work entirely, that of Goldman, whose impressive work in the records of the Nochet Battalion almost makes up for her obnoxious personality. You may quote me on that.]

1.02 > and furthermore let it XXX
1.03 > without doubt a [trustworthy]
1.04 > foe be a friend in guestkeeping
1.05 > so [this is] the path [of Honour]
1.06 > that sword be laid aside or
1.07 > oakward be kept either
1.08 > that my host shall [know]]
1.10 > XXXXX fight alongside
1.11 > this is my vow and Honour
1.12 > helpless or helping

[Compare this with Jarangsdottir Humakti Saga and the infamous insult. Is it an insult? What else in Goldman’s works might be used to support or attack this thinking? Am I in fact messing with your heads?]

Pale Palace-pursers
Berra Sword-stayed
Direly dagger shield dropped
For Varanis Vingan

[This would of course indicate a bodyguard’s position, unless you had been paying attention to …. oh, I see there was no lesson last week. Still, it may be that Berra took the forefront in anger, not in protection. Did she already serve Varanis? Is Varanis the same as Varena? You may wish to cover this in your essays.]

Wine lip-wetting
Unthroatsaking sipped
Pretty pass to paragon
Insulted injury included

[And, as you may require some help for context, please ignore the following stanza, which Niyall … well, perhaps you should not ignore the following stanza.]

Speech swiftly styled
Word-chiding champion1Presumably by Varanis or some other famous speaker
Humbled Humakti
Nameless atonement not needed

[Essays. You’ll have noticed that it is early in our lesson, and there is no homework to be set, as once more Dr Tomm is unavailable for marking. Two thousand words. Get going.]


With some trepidation, the party (minus Mellia, Nala, Serala and Finarvi) met with Queen Leika of Colymar, who absolutely failed to have them all executed as spies and usurpers. Rather put off by this unaccustomed behaviour, they headed back to Boldhome, in preparation for the expected terrors of the following Season.

“I’m totally here and not dripping and lubricating at all.” – Nala
“Well thanks for that.” – Berra

“It is ironic that I just knocked over the stack with Rhino Hero game in it.” – Nala

“I could take my shirt off again?” – Rajar
“Yes, you could.” – Varanis

“The more tasteless and expensive a gift the better.” – Dormal
“Here–have an Esrolian” – Nala

“I’m going to have a stroll around the place, see what it’s like, do the tourist bit at all the temples.” – Dormal
“Especially the temples that are off the tourist track.” – Dormal

“Varanis – are you going to have an official bodyguard tomorrow?” – Berra


“Clear, fluent, horrible Esrolian.” – Xenofos
“You mean… Sartarite.” – Berra

“Yeah, Rajar will have his axes with him…” – Rajar

“I do have three hand axes, but those are just eating equipment, right?” – Rajar

“Rajar, would you like to make an Insight, Own Species roll?” – GM
“I’d like to do that. It’s unlikely, I should add…” – Rajar

“Berra is looking on in approval.” – Berra
“’tis a strong house” – Rajar
“This place would be hard to take. I like it.” – Berra
“So once we are in we can hold them indefinitely.” – Xenofos

“Berra puts on the professional mask.” – Berra
“She’s on the right of Varanis, looking suddenly very calm.” – Berra

“Berra bows as much to the spear as the woman. It’s a small bow.” – Berra

“Penultimate grovel.” – Berra

*descriptive sequence* – GM
“GM flails for plot!” – Berra

“Your own fault for bringing a humakti to a diplomatic situation.” – Dormal

“Insight own species: fails.” – Berra
“Which is often the case…” – Berra

“I am going to continue drinking with every sign of enjoyment.” – Dormal

“Berra’s looking very annoyed, probably at herself.” – Berra


“DRINK” – Rajar
“FREE DRINK” – Rajar
“Wooooooooooooot” – Rajar

“I could teach her a lesson for you, if you like.” – Nameless
“Berra looks amazingly unafraid of that.” – Berra

“I’m also muting, because I have done enough damage.” – Berra

“. o O ( Right so if I could get this into her eyes and then hustle Varanis that way… )” – Berra
“It’s not nasty – it’s just automatic.” – Berra

“I’m not stroking mine. It talks for itself.” – Varanis

*sings* “Going to the temple and we’re Gonna get Jack-o-Bears.” – GM

“This wine’s great, you over there, bring more!” – Rajar
“Berra offers Rajar her wine, behind her. Eyes still to the front.” – Berra
“Excelllent!” – Rajar

“- audible exhaling after queens thoughful pause” – Xenofos

“We accept this grant to you, and the lands returned to the Tribe.” – Leika

“Varena Colymar… Varanis daughter of Serzeen…” – Leika

“Leika: There will be a feast this evening.” – Berra
Berra: . o O ( Great. )

“… many people in your panoply.” – Dennal, Storm Voice of Orlanth Lightbringer
“. o O ( Ask Xenofos about Panoply later. )” – Berra

“I trust there will not be too many new customs brought into the tribe.” – Dennal
“Tell him they’re matriarchal now.” – Dormal

“(surprisingly civilized choice of words referring to whole set of war gear.)” – Xenofos, for later.

“You know where they do have bath houses? The south.” – Dormal

“Tell me they have a bathhouse in Clearwine!” – Varanis
“I… don’t really lie. I don’t think they have a bathhouse in Clearwine.” – Berra

“Rajar is re-united with his loved ones.” – GM
“Has someone been… licking that axe?!” – Dormal

“Let’s pretend it was licking. It ends with the same sound.” – Berra
“I shall go polish my axe.” – Rajar

“Eurmal probably had a habit of chasing after Orlanth’s wife and children.” – Berra
“With a cleaver?” – Nala
“No, although he’d have called it that.” – Berra

“Of course you may join, please place all your monies in this bag and then place this other bag over your head while I fetch the sacred club of donking.” – Rajar

“:heart: Kalis.” – Varanis
“Just to clarify, Varanis, is that the right organ to emoji?” – GM
“:kiss: Kalis” – Varanis
“Oh, those are LIPS” – GM

“The first thing you will notice is there are not any minstrels’ galleries in this building.” – GM
“So having armour on is a bit overkill.” – Xenofos

“The other shocking difference is nobody tries to assassinate anyone!” – GM
“They are so behind the times here!” – Varanis

“I need to get a nanny goat for the babies.”- Nala

“Goats are Chaos creatures!” – Berra
“I’m really not so sure about that.” – Dormal
“Varanis, can you punch Dormal please?” – Berra
“Did you say punch Dormal?” – Varanis

“Berra intends to volunteer for the Temple, because she knows there is a war on.” – Berra

“We should have taken the Jackobear’s head for taxidermy.” – Finarvi
“Look I have this blanket from the Plague Broo.” – Rajar
“Brooskin blankets for all our enemies!” – Finarvi
“Yes!!!” – Rajar
“No!” – GM

“There wasn’t much of the King’s body left.” – Berra
“Check the parking lot.” – Xenofos

“Finarvi had better arrange for some sweet wine to be sent back to Grandfather, together with a reassuring but substanceless message.” – Finarvi

“It will guarantee Tiwr only ever gets hit in the leg. (NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!)” – Nala

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    Presumably by Varanis or some other famous speaker