Seeking Honour

Questions to Duck: “Should I tell the High Sword I can turn into a wolf now?”

… “I forgot that bit because it wasn’t important at the time.”

“When are prayers?”

“Where am I? Are we back in Sartar yet?”

“Or Mirava’s pregnant? Did I mention Mirava’s pregnant?”

“Can I have another blanket?”

“Yehna? Oh…”

“Did I eat that food? You got me food but I can’t remember eating it.”

“What was it?”

“Are you staying awake to look after me?”

“I saw you in the bad air. In the smoke. There was a duck there. It wasn’t Devolin. You were made out of smoke.”

Question to duck: was it honourable to kill that Rune Lord from a distance?

1) You tell me.

There is a long silence. Berra says finally, “I wanted him to know he couldn’t escape me. But his tools are not him. Even if he doesn’t value their lives, I should treat them like they do. I’m not a shepherd boy. But they’d come to help him – did they know what he was doing? That they were keeping prisoners?”

The duck just keeps listening

“I think that… I think if they meant to take me prisoner, to keep me prisoner, then they were expecting attack. Even if they were over-confident. But I don’t know that they knew. And I attacked everyone, not just him.”

The silence just keeps going

“I’m still too angry to say it, Lord,” Berra finally tells him. “I think about it and I’m back on the mountain.”

1) Then meditate.

“I keep closing my eyes and seeing…” Berra trails off. “I did lose, D’Val… just not what I bet with.”

1) What then?

“Every time I try to put myself aside I think of her. Or of the Devil. Or her. It’s horrible. They both are.”

1) Yeth. They are.

“I can only get them away if I hate them hard enough, D’Val. And then there are people around me and I don’t know… I don’t know how to stop. I haven’t got rid of how I feel inside since I started feeling it.”

1) Hate is altho a pathion.

Berra stares at him for a long time, as this fact sinks in. It comes with a few changes of expression, and then a nod. She does settle to try to clear her thoughts – all of them – and at least there is no panic this time. That makes it better than some sessions.1Insight: She is afraid of what is inside, and so she cannot let it escape.

It takes about two hours from the point where she starts to the point where she can get some sleep.

. o ( He wasn’t there. )

. o ( I made him. )

. o ( It. )

. o ( The figure in the smoke. I made it. )

. o ( I called out to him instead of Humakt. )

. o ( I … didn’t want to be Humakt then. )

. o ( But I could have depended more on the god. )

. o ( Less on his manifestation as a mallard. )

. o ( And be more like him. Act as he does. )

. o ( D’Val is an example, not a Hero. )

. o ( And who would want to be Eril? )

. o ( But when I emulate the duck, I’m emulating him being Humakt. )

. o ( If that is what Emulate means. )

. o ( Be the God more closely. )

“D’Val, just to be sure, what does Emulate mean?”

1) Copy.

“Thank you.”

. o ( Alright. Emulate the god more closely. )

. o ( Which does mean acting in his deeds. )

. o ( But which deeds? )

. o ( They change. )

. o ( That’s what we learn on the altar. )

. o ( That he’s always Humakt no matter what happens. )

. o ( So some things are the same. )

. o ( The Humaktness of him. )

. o ( Bravery, honour, care for Death. )

. o ( Would he have ambushed someone? )

. o ( Not Kargan Tor. He never did that. Ten thousand times. )

. o ( So why do any Humakti do it? )

. o ( Led ambushes, even. )

. o ( But against the Greatest Warrior he just tested himself. )

. o ( He never surprised Kargan Tor. They were not at war. )

. o ( War isn’t an excuse, though. )

. o ( But being at war is a warning. )

. o ( They knew what they were risking. )

. o ( And so do I. )

. o ( I need to treat a warrior as a warrior, and everyone else is not. )

. o ( Even Dormal, I think. )

. o ( He’s outside the rules but he didn’t ask to be there. )

. o ( Well, he asked to be outside the rules. )

“Lord D’Val, is it my responsibility to protect Eurmali as well as everyone else?”

1) They are outthide law, not morality. They lack honour. You do not.

“Thank you. Then I know one of my failings.”

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    Insight: She is afraid of what is inside, and so she cannot let it escape.