HeroQuest 4

Session 3.21

1628, Fire Season, Stasis Week (ish)

Dramatis Personae


Berra (Humakt)
Irillo (Issaries)
Maalira (Chalana Arroy)
Dormal (Eurmal)
Suuraki (an unknown god)
Valseena (Flesh Man)
Varanis (Vinga-Orlanth)
Xenofos (Ginna Jar)


Canis Chaos
Greater Ungoron


Berra found that she was Lhankor Mhy once more, and refused to play, arguing that she was herself.  She and Dormal had a short and just about civil conversation with some exchanges of information – she told Dormal that she was sure they were still doing Jar-eel and Onjur’s wishes.  Orlanth challenged her on the oath, and Berra tried to say there was no oath, but kept finding she was saying there was one.  She sat down to think about the implications of refusal and the fact of being herself, but found that her feet simply carried her along.  She caught up with Dormal and asked him to cut her hamstrings – he tried, and found that Lhankor Mhy was suddenly played by Jar-eel.

The Lightbringers followed the trail of Yelm’s blood – Eurmal tasted the glowing pool and found out it was blood.  He was also made aware that he had fire inside him, leading to some inner light he could work out how to unleash.

As Berra engaged in her battle of wills with Jar-eel, Vinga-Orlanth lost patience and continued along their path. She drew away from her companions such that she was the only one to hear the growls that announced the presence of a new foe. A great three-headed dog blocked Vinga-Orlanth’s path. She attempted to Shield herself, but Death ate her magic and so she swung a mighty blow and incapacitated one of the gnashing heads instead. Teeth skittered off her vambrace as she prepared to attack again. Eurmal, noticing the clamour at last, dropped trews to shine his new-found light on the situation. Lhankor Mhy leapt towards the battle, blade flashing. When it was over, Orlanth sulked briefly, as the Sage had neatly severed the two remaining heads.  Eurmal cast a puppet show of the fight on the wall, to help with morale.  After ignoring that as best as they could to stay within the realms of sanity, the Lightbringers were able to continue, leaving the corpse of Canis Chaos behind.

Berra found herself within the tunnels of the temple once more.  Creeping along she found Onjur waiting. He was very irritated about how much inconvenience she was putting Jar-eel to.  He tried to bait her into a fight, and she turned and walked away.  In trying to find a way around him, she found a walktapus, which she slew.  Beyond that was sunlight, and she stepped out, to find that there were thousands of people cheering her, and she was on a carved stone animal with wings – she assumed a Bat.  She shouted at them to go home, the war was over, and then told them off for their life choices and instructed them to follow the apostasy she had learned at the camp of Lunar hazia-eaters some time back.  After that she checked that she really HAD been on the Bat, and was relieved to find that it was the case.

The Lightbringers processed along the trail of Yelm’s gleaming blood, coming to a cave from which eyes watched them. Eurmal dropped trews again, clearly enjoying his new talent a little too much. Greater Ungoron waited in the darkness and began to issue a challenge. He cut off when he recognised Chalana Arroy and greeted her. The White Lady chastised him for blocking their way and he was briefly wounded by her words. Seeing the harm caused, she changed her approach, appealing to him on the basis of their friendship and for this, he gladly let them pass. She promised to visit him again later.

Onward the Lightbringers travelled, coming to an enormous gate where stood a beautiful woman and an ugly man. Orlanth paid compliment to one guardian and insult to the other, thereby causing Kaldar to challenge him. As the two engaged in a brief battle of club and fist, Eurmal seduced Sinjota (after Maalira prompted Dormal). He failed to produce a lightshow, but they had a good time nonetheless. With Kaldar unconscious and Sinjota happy, the Lightbringers passed through the gate and continued their journey into the depths of the Underworld.

All grew silent around them. No words could be heard. After walking a time in the oppressive silence, Lhankor Mhy led the Lightbringers off the Path, guided by secret knowledge. Sound returned and they followed the new path towards the clamour of the River of Swords. By the shore, Jeset waited with a boat. Issaries, Guardian of the Way, stepped forward. “This is my task,” he proclaimed. He offered silver to Jeset, who dashed it from his hand. They talked and at last a deal was reached and they were offered passage. As they crossed the water, Eurmal invented the sieve for the second time (ADD link to original time).

Going back in from the carved bat, scouting along carefully, Berra saw that the torches had moved, and someone had cauterised the walktapus’ wounded parts.  Onjur was nearby, and asked her how it felt to be a god.  Berra shrugged it off and noticed that he was falling into step with her, so she started skipping.  After getting bored of that, every now and then she shuffled steps.  After a bit more conversation in which he was smug, Berra spat in his face, and he failed to headbutt her.  Realising that Onjur was likely to get more out of their conversation than she did, and fearing blurting out bits of her plans, Berra turned around and went back to the Bat balcony.  Although it was a tricky climb, she climbed away from him, committing to a jump that carried her to a ledge from which she could keep climbing.  She did that, choosing a path that took her out of his sight.  Eventually, she found herself coming over an overhang to what might be the top of the sacred mountain.

Disembarking on the other bank of the River of Swords, the Lightbringers followed Yelm’s blood toward the Obsidian Palace. Vinga-Orlanth hammered at the gates with his mighty fists. When a troll answered the door, Vinga-Orlanth proclaimed himself King of the Storm Tribe and requested passage to follow the trail. They were offered the hospitality of the Only Old One, which Vinga-Orlanth accepted for them all. Within the Palace, they met the godling and were given rooms and food. While Vinga-Orlanth napped, Eurmal talked with the Only Old One (Salid) to explain what was going to happen. He then went in search of treasure, filling his bag with anything he found both interesting and portable, before making himself forget where it all came from. At the same time, Flesh Man and Chalana Arroy found themselves at the edges of the area they knew at all.  Flesh Man could hear sounds, and was convinced  that they were herd beasts of some kind.  After some thought she reckoned they were speaking about mushrooms.  Despite his fears, he and the healer sought out mushrooms for the beasts, which they found out were bison-sized beetles. As they fed and stroked the fearsome creatures, they heard sounds of approval from behind them. It was Gorakikki, a mantis-headed goddess.  Flesh Man offered her a mushroom too.  The goddess was pleased with their care of her pets.  She said that it was sad that Waha did not value them.  Flesh Man made a polite fuss of them.

behaves – Berra
“Pfft” – Maalira

“The sun shines out of Jar-eel’s arse anyhow.” – Berra
“Now the sun shines out of Dormal’s ass.” – Varanis

“It’s really complicated. It boils down to Varanis thought she knew best.” -Berra
“Sounds legit.” -Dormal
“Obviously if I’d been here, I’d have advised against it and she’d had done it anyway.” -Dormal

“Hey, Dormal, you’ve always wanted to stab me, right?” – Berra

“I am not going to ask you if you know how much you have inconvenienced my lady, because you do.” – Onjur
bursts into laughter – Berra

“Are you going to attack me?” – Berra
“No, I think you’re going to attack me.” – Onjur
“Why.” – Berra
“Because you’re a Rebel.” – Onjur
“You’re the kind of thing I don’t need to deal with.” – Berra
“I’m the sort of small problem you can deal with.” – Onjur

“I just don’t use it very often!” – Varanis of the Shield spell…

“Can’t take him anywhere.” – Valseena
“Whatever you do, do not move towards the light!” – Dormal

“Caution? Who needs caution?” – Varanis

eats magic – Sword of Death
raspberries in spirit – Berra

“I admire how you got the GM to flick himself the bird.” – Berra

“They have tied 3 temple mastiffs together, and the dogs are cross.” – Berra

“Help me steer the beam!” – Eurmal
“There is a handle to help steer him.” – GM
“He calls it his joystick.” – Berra

“I forgot to use my other arms!” – Varanis
“You failed Hug.” – Berra

helped – Berra

“I shall raise morale by doing a shadow puppet re-enaction of the fight.” – Eurmal
“… do a Sleight, please.” – GM attempting to recover
“Special.” – Eurmal
“Oh dear.” – Valseena

discussion between Jar-eel and Orlanth
“Three-headed shadow dog dies on the floor of the cave.” – Dormal
“Don’t ask how he made the third head, with only two fists.” – Berra

“You can hear dark, snuffling breathing in the darkness.” – GM
“I think I’m just going to stop putting the sword away.” – Orlanth

“Sundament.” – Berra

“There’s the absolute blackness of the cave…” – GM
“I’m not looking at Dormal, though.” – Orlanth

“I’ve been laughing so hard I’m weeping.” – Varanis
“I did a wee bit.” – Varanis
“Wee bit.” – Berra
“Yes! Dormal should get to keep this power!” – Varanis

“They call him Goldenarse.” – Dormal
“Why?” – Dormal
“I don’t want to talk about it.” – Dormal

“My poor brain is wrecked because it went here… “And his cousin is called Golden Tongue.”” – Varanis
“…I have questions…” – Valseena

“Seriously, you all made some very bad life choices.” Berra to an army of Lunars

“I’m too busy shedding light on the question.” – Eurmal
“That’s one way of putting it.” – Valseena
“I’m a lightbringer!” – Eurmal

“And you can’t tell me that healers don’t sometimes give patients very firm orders…” – Varanis
“”It’s not necessarily how Chalana Arroy would have done it.” – GM” – Berra
“Chalana Arroy’s avatar is very cross right now.” – Maalira

“Ooh! What is it when you roll all zeroes?” – Maalira

“Excuse me Orlanth do you still need the light because it’s quite hard to walk like this.” – Eurmal

“That’s not why they call it the Lightbringers’ Quest!” – Valseena
“It is now!” – Eurmal

“Hey, hey, I protest. We’re not standing here LIKE idiots!” – Dormal

“Orlanth is potentially thinking of doing both. So to speak.” – GM of two ‘jobs’.
“”Hey pretty lady, is that guy bothering you?”” – Varanis

“Okie-dokie. What AM I supposed to be doing? Pretend I don’t know.” – Eurmal
“Go chat up that lady over there.” – Maalira
“Will do. How do you think she feels about shadow puppets?” – Eurmal

“Irillo sighs, rolls up his sleeves, and rubs a tattoo.” – GM
“Preparing to cast Fist?” – Berra

“Well, I hope she’s looking at me, because if she’s been looking at you, well, she needs a change of scenery!” – Orlanth

“Now we find out that Jar-eel’s entire plan is to have Dormal’s weasel child.” – Berra
“Eep.” – Valseena

“Pardon me. I have to take a bio break. If I keep laughing like this, I’m going to have an accident.” – Anon

“So, he’s going to be taking his trousers off in this encounter, right?” – Berra
“Yep.” – GM perking up
“Dormal, can you roll me a POWx5?” – Berra
“Nope.” – Dormal
“So, it happens to everyone from time to time. The lights just don’t come on. Maybe if you wait a little and try again.” – GM
“I could cast illusory motion.” – Dormal

“Oh look, there’s an emoji there called ‘sun with face’.” – GM

“Well we will leave our conventional heroes…” – GM
“I wouldn’t call them conventional.” – Valseena

“Hey now… we don’t know about Dormal’s sex life. It’s entirely possible someone has gone there…” – Varanis
“No judgement.” – Varanis

“If the Crimson Bat appears and it actually has that little ‘tache on it, I’m going to laugh as I die.” -Berra

“As you spit, he head butts you.” -GM
“Awesome!” Berra

“… And then I got stuck on the bat statue trying to get away from Onjur.” – Berra

“Yes, of course I took all the sound away, Orlanth, you jackass!” Dormal (silently into the silence)

“I’m a mighty magician as well as a Lightbringer. You know, I think you should name this whole quest after me. We should call it ‘the Lightbringers’ Quest’.” – Eurmal

“”Onjur, that guy, he leaks like an invention of Eurmal.”” – Berra

“When this is over we should come back here and go fishing.” – Orlanth
“But of the swords, the water, or the fish?” – Maalira
“Oh, there are swordfish here.” – Dormal
“You need to be careful of the pikes.” – Irillo
“Also you forgot my “and you have to watch out for the tenchmen.” – Maalira

“Never mind the width, I’ll let you feel the quality.” – Berra

“The repetition of the sieve quest must surely make it fully realised now.” – Varanis

“Doesn’t he have to push Chalana Arroy in here?” – Berra
“HEY” – Maalira
“NO HALPING” – Maalira
“WOT” – Berra

“I have been very helpful so far.” – Berra

“Before we go in there, I’m going to have to borrow a couple of pairs of underpants from someone.” – Eurmal
“And now we know how the betrayal will go.” – Berra
“Eurmal eats too much and takes a glowing crap.” – Berra
“Blam. Incident.” – Berra
“Dormal is actively casing the joint and one ill-timed fart blows his cover.” – Varanis

“I might as well climb the analogy, I mean the mountain.” -Berra

“Massive dais, massive daity.” – Berra
“‘deity'” – Varanis
“That was the joke.” – Berra

“Dormal?” – Only Old One
“Yeees… well, do I owe you money?” – Eurmal

“Everyone else here will keep to that. Someone – let’s call him Eurmal…” – Dormal

“That one’s got a sieve in it…” – GM
“That one is a sieve.” – Dormal

“I don’t like the sound of that. I think it’s sensible to not like the sound of that.” – Flesh Man
“Are you investigating?” – GM
“No!” – Flesh Man

helps – Berra

“This is more of your troll-sized praying mantis head.” – GM
“Maalira’s going to give a little squeak of dismay.” – Maalira
“… Mushroom?” – Flesh Man, terrified

“You get nods of approval.” -GM
“Ok. Hopefully that’s not the kind of nod of approval you give before eating something.” – Valseena

“If you want horror, get Berra to play a Cloacasan…” – GM

“Arghh. GM (or anyone else) can you remember what Berra said when Onjur asked if it felt pretty good to be a god?” – Berra