Wedding Hells

Ephemera — Wedding Hells


The Wedding of Mellia and Venlar

a comedy and tragedy in one violent act

The setting is the Temple of Orlanth at Cinder Fox Tula, just about sunset. Flowers are everywhere. Enlo can be heard singing off-stage. A table of wedding refreshments is right of center stage. A huge hearth cake and a keg of beer stand out.

Eril enters, stage left. “My former brother wrote, begging me to come here. He even called those favors due that I owed him for that business in the marsh. Why are there flowers everywhere? Doesn’t Silor remember my pollen allergies?”

Varanis enters from the Temple, which would be stage center.

Varanis: “Welcome to the wedding, High Sword. On this day dedicated to love and life, may we put our differences aside and celebrate with the happy couple.”

The rest of the cast hears the noise and enters, stage center.

Eril stares at Venlar. Venlar stares at Eril. Most of the cast stares at Eril and Venlar.

Mellia’s Mother: to Mellia “Dear, were we misinformed? Do we need to renegotiate? If we do, I’m asking for more.”

Yamia: looking at Eril. “I think I know how to kill you.”

Eril: ignores Yamia.

Yamia: tries to kill Eril.

Eril: kills Yamia on a riposte while still staring at Venlar.

Venlar: tries to defend Yamia, trips and falls over Eril’s sword.

Mellia: screams, “You are ruining my wedding! Stop it!”

Mellia: casts Sleep on Eril.

Eril: chuckles mockingly, not at all sleepy.

Varanis: leaps on Mellia to save her from Eril’s retaliation and lands too hard.

Mellia: lies unconscious on the floor.

Varanis: lies unconscious on the floor.

Rajar: casts Berserk on himself.

Dormal: readies a throwing knife.

Xenofos: hits Dormal in the head from behind with an opium pipe.

Dormal: lies unconscious on the floor.

Berra: hesitates.

Eril: gestures at Berra.

Berra: kneels to Eril respectfully. Her right middle finger goes up momentarily.

Much mayhem. Eril can and does kill most of the cast without trying. Eril kills Rajar, but it takes an effort. Rajar would have been harder to kill if he hadn’t attacked every wooden object in sight, starting with the beer keg. Berra remains kneeling through the entire melee.

Varanis: gets up and kneels by Mellia. “Mellia, what have I done? We’ve ruined your wedding! I never should have welcomed Eril. Irillo was happiest the day he got that man out of his head.”

Eril: “Your oration is lamentable. Do accept this mercy killing.”

Eril and Varanis fight. Eril kills Varanis in about three blows while staring at Venlar.

Eril: “Humakt, may You embrace me if I ever think of having in-laws again. May I know the bite of Death if I ever attend another wedding.”

Ghost of Yamia: “I know how to haunt you, Eril.”

Eril: pulls out a Death Rune and destroys Ghost of Yamia while staring at Venlar.

Berra: still kneeling. “Bastard.”

Eril: looks over at Berra. “Did you have something to say?”

Berra: “Nothing wise. But you are a dick-head. Your Excellency.”

Curtain falls.